Santa in May

The Littlest Petshop appeared in my cube today.

Its like Christmas!

Fun all Day!

ABC 123

Someone left some blocks in my cube for me to play with.

In exchange for my index finger.

Nyseslat Update from Fe La

and to Fe La.... since Wrong Way...Turn Around

didn't make enough sense.

hair makes for awkward work interactions.

waking up late this morning resulted in hair that elicits strange behavior from certain people in office.

Sheila: "good morning Tom"

Tom: "use the force, Sheila."

Sheila: blank stare at William
William: "may the force be with you, Sheila."

Sheila: hiding under desk in cubicle

Luke: "when gone am I...there is another sky....walker...."

Mental note....nix this hairstyle off the possible work hairstyles list.

just in case...

Just in case you missed the other 8...

what? where?

Today people are entering my cubespace to turn in the nyseslat. what is it? i don't know. i don't care. but should they be giving it to me? no. no. no. they should be going to the large conference room.

where is the large conference room, you ask?

not near my cube.

far away from my cube.

in the opposite direction of my cube.

Across the hall, and to the left...

Across the hall, and to the left...

Mam, it's across the hall and to the left.

Sir, please just follow the signs. It's across the hall and to the left.

Sir, please, go back towards whence you came and left yourself to your left.

Mam and sirs, left and left to your left left.

Please, note the signage of orange and blue.

Please note my artwork and note how it instructs you to left yourself to your left.

LEFT. Left Everyone For Today.

Left Left Left.

Keep going left until left doesn't make sense anymore.

I love left. You should too. Go left.

just start reading the signs actually.

ugh. it's a long day.

Animal Transport Cube

Driving to work in transitcube, I look to my right to see horse in police animal transport cube. I immediately reach for phone camera and looking down, swerve into another lane of traffic, causing terrible honking.

Admittedly, I am not the best driver, however I am the best photographer on the go. Admittedly, this is not the best photograph I have taken on the go, however, I am sure that I have taken better pictures on the go, I just don't recall any at the moment.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

SOMEONE is doing a major cleaning 2 days ago. All food, juices, milk, etc.

And SOMEONE don't want to hear about it.

You have been warned.

Oh it's just Robert.

Lol.

Important Sign

I just thought everyone should know to Please Knock the Door. The bell doesn't work.

Reading makes you smarter.

Today I rode subcube (pictured below, right) to work. I decided to bring some reading material to keep me busy (pictured left, entitled Panda Baby). I really do love that panda baby.

Cube-itude Adjust.

So- Shelia realized she was being ungrateful.

So she may have to cut sandpaper with dull scissors until her fingers bleed for 7 hrs + a day until eternity...

But at least she has a job, the salary of a 5th year teacher + benefits and a nice retirement package.

There is a lot to be thankful for.

Thank you Cube.

cube neighbors

Cube Neighbors.

Not going out for grammarians of the year or anything.

the worst worst job ever.

So i discovered today that there is actually trap door in the bottomless pit of despair known as cubehell.

and that trap door leads to a place where you are given the assignment of....

cutting sandpaper into strips with a pair of dull scissors.

I'm not joking because to make that up wouldn't even cross my mind and wouldn't even be very funny.

The day the internet quit

I got to work early (third time. ugh.) Turned on the computer to bleugh and what happens? Nothing. Nothing happens. No Internet. What do I do? Panic. Sheilah panics. A whole lot of panic. What will I do with 8 hours to go in a cube of boredom? 4 walls, silence and Cubebot entering in 2 hours?

Will I have to actually engage in discussion? Will we battle it out Star Trek style? His knowledge versus my knowledge? What if he's all Star Trek Voyager and I'm all Star Trek TNG? What if he's speaking Klingon and I'm all Vulcan? Damn, this is serious.

I need DIIT, stat. I attempt phone contact but no answer. This is very typical because as I assume, and correctly so, DIIT workers are always having sci fi trivia battles and cannot be bothered to answer their phones. I wait and worry. Cubebot enters the cube vicinity at 9:30, early as always, with a bright shiny smile on his bright, shiny face. I keep my head down with a neutral stare so as not to encourage such joy at entering cube.

I tell cubebot to contact someone in DIIT to fix the Internet because it has become totally and completely broken. Cubebot hands me some crosswords (pictured above right). We do crosswords.

DIIT computer-bot comes to cube to unplug our computers and plug them back in which I remember is called a "HARD RESET," from working at "Dish Network" in 2004. How ridiculous.

Suddenly computers work again. Normalcy resumes. Thank Gods.

Who is your BFF?

Tuesday.


CubeBot briefly exited cube and left his Apple IPod Touch ® behind for self to examine.

Back of Apple Ipod Touch ® inscribed as follows:

To: Jim Smith (CubeBot's human name)
From: Jim Smith BFF

At this point, self doesn't know whether to love or hate Cubebot. Of course, existing in the black and white reality in which self does, extreme love and venomous hate are the only two emotions Sheila feels.

Envelope's Any size 2 Boxe's

Ventured out of cube to purchase

envelopes but found this (pictured left).

A lot of Ownership's Happening here.

cube art.

for the artsy types.

cube DOF

snow in May

it snowed in my cube.

mutant fruits: delicious and terrifying

I was just consuming my morning meal consisting of 3 pounds of cherries, Cream-O-Land 100% Pure and Natural, Naturally Delicious Milk Vitamin D, and 5 apples when I noticed something odd.

Who/what the hell is messing with my fruits?

Overheard in NYC...cube edition part 2

"your sentence without a direct object is as upsetting to me as a musical chord that doesn't resolve."

- homeschooler to parent
1:28pm Thursday


minutes later....

"cool beans..."

-parent to homeschooler, leaving office.
1:36pm Thursday

making good use of a thursday

so i decided i want to be a graffiti artist. I know i am not good yet but that's why one must practice. this is practice #1. literally my very first practice. and it is true, i am not using paint. but can you really tell that it is markers? no. of course not. it does not look like markers. it looks so badass. you know it. it looks as though i have tagged a name on the side of a wall on the street corner and now you are fearful of this "sarah." who could this "sarah" be, you wonder? be on your toes. she will be back, armed with pens, a stapler and perhaps highlighters and markers as well. watch out. she's gonna highlight stuff and make that stuff stand out as more important than other stuff.

christmas in may

Unknown human stops by cube yesterday and drops of some of my favorite things: markers, pens and highlighters.


I cannot express how excited and happy this made me.


Now I can tag everything in sight.

the day i got to work early part 2

So I did it again. I am at work early. Twice. 2 Consecutive Days. Its disappointing to be so consistent and reliable, punctual and prepared when these traits only lead self to sit in cube for 7 hours daily.

Once again, I bear witness to the slew of cube-its that file solemnly out of the up/down cubes of despair and drudgery as they enter to spend time in their day-cubes.

This morn I see Jenn.

Self: "Good Morn Jenn. How art thou?"

Jenn: "Here. I can think of one million places I'd rather be. I should be at home right now. God forbid you have an elderly mother to take care of....etc..."

Self: (thinks to self) Never say "good morn" to Jenn.

Next, I see Raisinette.

Self: Good Morn, Raisin.

Raisin: I'm tired. My back hurts, leg, and down my leg. I have sciatica

Self: oh.

Raisin: [blank stare]

Self: [blank stare]
Raisin: [walks away]

I have been told that I have a face that people feel like they can share their problems with. Due to this I have decided to wear large sunglasses indoors. And also a winter hat- perhaps fashioned of tinfoil. Tinfoil headgear still in progress.

the day i got to work early

I got to work early today. On a likert type scale with 1 being totally upset, angry and depressed and 10 being happy on a roller coaster of flowers and puppies, I was at a 2. My face looked like this (pictured below, right).




But then I learned that arriving early at work means I get to witness other people arriving at work, as my cube is located next to the elevators of pain and sorrow. A perfect example:
In comes...Martha (name changed to protect self) with a huge smile and she says, (smiling like Jack Nicholson in that scary movie from the 70's with that freaky kid and there was like, a bunny costume or something, the whole time)



"Good Morning Sheila. GOOD MORNING TO THE WORLD'S MOST HORRIBLE JOB." (exact quote).



Now my face looks like this (the pic where I look totally freaked out- in a "that lady just freaked me out way").



I guess there are people who hate their jobs more than me! Funny thing about that is Martha doesn't work in a cube. She has an office. With a window! Harumph!


Coming to work early is too illuminating. I prefer the comfort of detached and witless oblivion. Never again.

for rent: cube-share

Last week something infiltrated my cubespace.




For security purposes and because of his lack of normal human emotion, i will refer to him as cubebot.




I, never being told anything about anything, was of course again, told nothing to explain said cubebot's arrival and subsequent squatting.




Cubebot, being a robot, is fully adroit in being perfect at everything, esp. loving authority.



I personally find the last bit so incredibly off putting. Co-workers pass by my cube more regularly now to make comments such as, "Sheila, isn't it nice to have a friend?" "Oh, isn't it nice to have some help around here!" and, "Isn't he wonderful?!"



Boss Magella (changed name to protect self): " OMG! LOVES HIM! SHELIA aren't you just like....in LOVE with him!? HE is Like SOOOOOOO fab."



It's a major problem when someone approaches cube for assistance and I begin to give my standard (and totally 100% no fail correct answer) when i hear a low rumbling "ummmmmmm......ehhhhh.....i think.....ummmmmmm, " from the bot. It's like he doesn't know what's going on but he just has to get his opinion in.



Doesn't everyone understand that I have to be the center of attention around cube?








** By the way, Cubebot if you read this over my shoulder, I am totally kidding. You are seriously, like so awesome.

***Fingers Crossed.

Overheard in NYC...cube edition.

"turned out some lady talkin' bout..."

"i'm not playin' which you. phone company talkin' bout... that's why i'm double checkin' everything at the house... people comin' in takin' everything... all my papers gone! phone gone! tv, dvd, money gone! i swear somebody from da homeschoolin' office done come in...
why you actin' up today. stand up. i'm not playin' which you. now let's go."

Insanity in the cube today.

Verdict: Full Moon (pictured above, right).

snacks

I let my snack drive to work today.

a rainy day

Today is a bad weather day in the city.
(rain + wind = bad hair)
I take this opportunity to braid (id est. plait) my hair like Laura Ingalls Wilder (1867-1957) of Little House on the Prairie, etc.

When my hair is braided (id est. plaited) I notice strange treatment.

One specific interaction:

Stranger enters office, approaches cube and says, "Where is the restroom?"

I give my standard answer, "Down the hall, take a left at the second exit sign, take another left when it feels right to do so, eventually you will left yourself it."

Stranger: "Why thank you, little girl."

standing my ground. cube style.

So. The time came in April when I earned a new responsibility: keeper and distributor of very important documents. I sent out mass email (from cube) to 100 unknown humans in other cubes all over city requesting they transport themselves to me via subcube, masstransit cube, forward-moving stump cubes, and so on and so forth.

I suppose I was not surprised to receive emails in return like the one on the right, especially when some humans held such highly esteemed positions (Director of Human Resources) and thus must have grapefruit sized ego (after all, the grapefruit is a rather large fruit when placed next to a grape).

Due to security and required inefficiency, very important documents must be transported via human to human to human contact. Think Pony Express but much slower and no pony.

As for the response back to person in charge of something, I blame it on Sheila.

strategies from a cube

Gail plans our escape.

Under a broccoli

Through a rather short, fat phallic dome

Right at a backwards C

And onward....

Thanks for the gameplan, Gail. Makes total sense.

bleugh goes to abc studios

Escaping from cube early in the morning, I find myself headed uptown via subcube and to the right? (I suppose I mean east) Having never experienced success with maps, firmly subscribing to Mesopotamian flat earth theory, and equating west with left, north with up and so on... I had some difficulty finding ABC studios, my intended destination.

My friend Jess, the one who addressed congress, the one who battled bejeweled cowboy hat, was in town for 8 hrs, and was also apparently at ABC studios.

Thus, it became my task to escape cube, enter subcube and navigate way to ABC where more cubes awaited. Oh- Diane Sawyer (pictured above west) works in a cube. So does Brian Ross, of Brian Ross Investigates. But most importantly, Jess was there, held captive, in cube against will.

I, of course, knew exactly what that felt like.

Interview here: http://www.hulu.com/watch/241464/abc-brian-ross-investigates-fri-may-13-2011

a cowgirl in congress

So I was watching my awesome friend Jess address the House Committee on Foreign Affairs live from my cube, when this fancy lady (i.e. Frederica Wilson, Democrat, Fl, 17th District) pops up with a bedazzled cowboy hat (C. Brawner would be jealous) and a huge white carnation (i.e. death flower).

I couldn't even pay attention to the words that were coming out of her mouth, that hat was so sparkly.................................................something about ....shouldn't we not let women go to foreign countries because its too dangerous for them? Shouldn't women be kept indoors, out of the harsh rays of the sun... darning socks ...................................................... something something. ... icecream.... cooking..... why I also love iced tea something ...blagh blagh....

It was a pretty cool hat though.

cubes are everywhere

So before I arrive at my daily destination: cubehell, I spend an hour or so in transitcube, then i park in parkfastcube.

I couldn't help but notice today that cubes are popping up everywhere.

Manhattan mini storage is even getting in on the cubefrenzy, advertising $29 for a "free move" whatever that means. You can put all of your favorite things into a Manhattanstoragecube.

Sign me up!~

its about time

the DOE

provided us

with wireless

phones

up

in

this cube

the day i ate lunch

Sometimes when you sit in a cube every weekday for nearly 8 months, you start to lose interest in daily activites such as:

1. speaking to people who click by cube

2. dusting/ cleaning cube

3. repeating the same "how to get to the bathroom" instructions over and over, which this morning went like this... "take a left, another left and keep turning left and you will eventually left yourself into it."

4. answering cube phone

5. moving

6. eating

7. breathing

Of course- I did eat this pizza (pictured above). Such a rarity it deserved to be photographed and bleughed.

Of course, I have nothing more to say other than... I ate this pizza.

That's all.

cube dream

Sometimes

in the cube

i like to dream

that i am in the woods

facing

a large

glowing

orb.

found. 1/2 coffee.

found in cube.

1/2 cup of lukewarm coffee.

half empty.

half full.

has it been forgotten?

thrown away like trash?

is someone trashing my cube?

does someone think my cube is trashy?

or was it a gift?

who leaves trash as gift?

or...can it be mine?

these are today's most important questions.

existentialism from the cube.

The day Gail beat me at Bop-It!

The best day at work was the day Gail returned from lunch with Bop-It! (TM Hasbro).

She had never utilized said Bop-It! and thus, had no idea how incredibly time squandering and yet, oddly satisfying it could be.

Naturally the game found itself into my hardworking and unassuming hands.

First score 27. Gail, turned from her typing and apparently suddenly fancying a challenge, lunged for said Bop-It, managing a score of 54.

Obviously a duel ensued. Embarrassingly after several rounds I admit a loss. 97-84.

Way to Go Gail. You are one tough Bop-It! (TM) master.

ugh!

i just realized the best part of my last name are the last 3 letters which summize my feelings of cube life perfectly.

fabuloso!

Tweed

Actually left cube for several moments to travel via subcar downtown to city hall (id est Tweed, id est Boss Tweed, id est evil, id est crazy elevators and squeeky floors.)

Sheila is in.

Nails painted. Check.

Large fabulous ring. Check.

Answers phone with "This is Sheila, 7th floor reception. How may I direct your call?"

Check^3

cloud science

I understand stratus, cumulonimbus, cumulus, cirrus, cumulocirrus, nimbostratus, cumulonimbocirrostratus and various other cloud formations because I am a wizard of cloud science.


On my way to work the sky, however, looked like this.

What what?